The Dark Humor That Saved My Life in the Psych Ward

In this episode of Stories and Stanzas, host Abhra sits down with Robert Rickelmann for an unflinching conversation about a life shaped by mental illness and addiction. Robert grew up with crippling anxiety — and discovered early on that alcohol made him feel fearless, confident, and finally comfortable in his own skin. That relief came at a devastating cost.
What began as a coping mechanism consumed his law school career, his sense of self, and nearly his life. In 1996, Robert made a major suicide attempt that landed him in a psychiatric hospital for a month, where he was diagnosed as Seriously Mentally Ill — carrying diagnoses of generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression, OCD, and borderline personality disorder. The years that followed brought repeated hospitalizations, a long and grueling journey through medications, and immeasurable strain on his marriage.
Through it all, Robert scribbled notes on scraps of paper — in psych wards, in dark moments, in the margins of a life he was trying to hold together. Those fragments became a memoir. After years of rejections from agents and publishers, he signed with Apprentice House Publishing, releasing Jumping Off the End on May 5, 2025 — timed deliberately with Mental Health Awareness Month.
This conversation covers the seductive lie of alcohol as self-medication, the stigma men face when seeking help, dark humor as a survival tool, the invisible weight carried by caregivers, and what it means to be sober since January 10, 2013.
Robert's book is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Jumping-End-Lifetime-Struggle-Alcoholism/dp/1627206604/